How Transactional Analysis can help your relationship.

When couples come to therapy, it’s often because they feel stuck, same arguments, same patterns, and a growing sense of distance. Maybe you’ve found yourself wondering, Why do we keep going round in circles? That’s where Transactional Analysis (TA) can be incredibly useful.

One of the core ideas in TA is the Ego state model, which helps us understand the different parts of ourselves that show up in relationships. Simply put, we all move between three ego states: Parent, Adult, and Child.

• The Parent is where we hold beliefs, rules, and values we picked up from others (often early caregivers).

• The Child is where our feelings, impulses, and early emotional experiences live.

• The Adult is the here-and-now part of us, the part that can think clearly, make choices, and respond rather than react.

In couples therapy, we often look at which Ego States are talking to each other. For example, if one partner is speaking from a Critical Parent state and the other responds from a hurt Child state, the conversation can quickly spiral. Once we start noticing these patterns, things can really shift. You might begin to understand each other more clearly and respond from your Adult selves, rather than getting pulled into old, reactive roles.

What’s powerful about TA is that it gives you a shared language to talk about what’s happening between you. It helps couples move from blame and frustration into curiosity and understanding. You start to see not just what’s being said, but who is saying it and why.

Couples therapy using TA isn’t about pointing fingers or digging endlessly into the past. It’s about understanding what’s going on beneath the surface so you can relate in a way that feels more connected, respectful, and honest. From that place, trust can be rebuilt, and new ways of being together can emerge.

If you’re curious about how TA might help your relationship, I’d be happy to chat.