ADHD and Masking
If you have ADHD, you may be all too familiar with the feeling of having to “hold it together” in a world that isn’t built for your brain. You might work hard to appear calm, focused, or “normal” on the outside, while inside, you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, or quietly falling apart. That effort to blend in, keep up, or not stand out, is called masking.
What is Masking?
Masking is when we hide or suppress parts of ourselves in order to fit into social expectations. For people with ADHD, this might look like:
Forcing yourself to sit still or stay silent even when you have alot of energy
Over-preparing or over-explaining to avoid seeming forgetful
Holding back questions or emotions to appear more “together”
Mimicking behaviours of others to avoid judgement
Behaving in a way we think we “should” rather than how we naturally want too
Many people with ADHD start masking from a young age, often without even realising they’re doing it. School, family life, and social situations teach us, sometimes subtly and sometimes directly, that certain behaviours are “wrong” or “too much”. So, we adapt. We shape-shift. We hide our struggles, push down our true selves, and do whatever it takes to cope.
And while masking is incredibly clever, often necessary and helps us survive in a neurotypical world, it comes at a cost.
The Toll of Masking
Research shows that long-term masking is linked to increased anxiety, depression, and burnout. It takes a huge amount of mental and emotional energy to monitor your every move, every word, and every reaction. It can leave you feeling disconnected, not just from others, but from yourself. It can take a long time to recover from long periods of masking as it can leave you feeling overstimulated.
You may start to wonder: Who am I, really, underneath this mask?
That’s where therapy can be life-changing.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy offers a space where you can learn about your mask, gently, safely, and at your own pace. You don’t have to perform or pretend. You can explore what’s underneath, what you’ve been holding back, and who you really are when you’re not constantly trying to manage how others see you.
In particular, Transactional Analysis (TA) therapy can be incredibly helpful for understanding the different parts of yourself. TA looks at how your beliefs, behaviours, and emotional responses were shaped early in life, and how they continue to play out in the present.
Through TA, you can start to:
Recognise the roles and “Scripts” you’ve been using to survive
Connect more fully with your Adult self, the grounded, present, capable part of you
Begin to rewrite the internal rules you’ve been living by
Learn how to meet your needs without masking or over-functioning
This kind of therapy can help you build self-awareness, understand your emotional patterns, and develop tools to take better care of yourself, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Rediscovering Your Authentic Self
When you begin to drop the mask, even just a little, you open the door to being truly seen. That can be scary, especially if you’ve spent years trying to avoid rejection. But it can also be incredibly freeing.
As you reconnect with your authentic self, you may notice that you start attracting people who value you for who you really are, not just the version of you that’s been edited for their comfort. That’s when real connection becomes possible.
And if you're living with ADHD, therapy can also support you with managing ADHD burnout, learning better ways to organise your time, regulate emotions, and build a life that works for your brain, not one you’re constantly trying to force yourself to fit into.
In Summary
Masking is a smart and resourceful way to survive, but it comes at a cost. Therapy can help you understand why you’ve been masking, gently explore what’s underneath, and support you in building a more authentic and sustainable way of being in the world.
You deserve to live as your full self, not just the version that’s trying to “get it right.”